I’m gonna get real here for a minute. Sometimes, I’d rather just sleep. Let’s face it, life is hard, it sucks, and when dealing with my depression and bipolar, it makes sleep a valid option and a necessary evil.
I’m gonna throw some love out there. So many of my posts are about dealing with sticky situations that aren’t necessarily positive, so I thought I’d talk about a truly bright part of my life.
My therapist is my devil’s advocate, my friend, my rock, and my stepping stone. I find so much value in my sessions with her and found myself wanting to dive deeper into why I get so much out of these sessions and whether anyone else might feel the same way.
Whether it’s healthy or not, who knows. It works for me. There’s something deep-seeded and primordial that lives within me. And in order to relieve that pressure, I use various forms of therapy to help. One of those forms of therapy is listening to deep, throaty, guitar-heavy, angry, passionate music. It’s like I’m a pressure cooker, and filling my ears with this glorious noise releases the steam.
The story of my life is an elusive one. Some parts ai remember, other parts are locked in a prison far far away. I don’t mind it. I just figure some parts aren’t supposed to surface until just the right time.
I’ve been silent for a while. Part of me hates that, part of me knows I needed it. Breaks, regardless of what they are from, are key to a healthy lifestyle for me.
Due to med changes and brain chemistry alignments, my depression has reared it’s ugly head yet again.
This is the kind of depression that I had when I was first diagnosed, and just getting on medication. So, it’s ugly and angry. And all I can do is keep fighting. It’s a silent battle. One I don’t like to talk about because it makes me feel weak. It’s a battle that is raging in my head while on the outside I seem… fine.
I’m feeling a little down today, and was thinking about a lot of the things I’ve heard in one way or another regarding my depression.
These are the most popular.
You’re anti-social. When I don’t say hello, or smile, it’s because I’m running the entire confrontation through my mind first because I’m nervous. By that time, usually the time has passed.
You’re always sad. Not sad, just thoughtful. 99% of the day I’m running past or present scenarios through my mind. It’s like a replay on repeat 24/7. So, if I’m not smiling, it’s not because I’m down, it’s because I’m in thought.
You’re so morbid. I like to think I’m realistic. As a depressive, I see things and experience things as they are, and can usually read between the lines of everyday niceties. I’m positively negative.
You never do anything. I actually do do things, it just might not be as much as you. That’s because I need time to myself to refuel, not because I don’t want to do anything with you.
You never smile. I do smile, somedays more than others. Again, usually I’m replaying interactions that have happened or will happen through my head.
You drop off the face of the earth. It might seem like that, but it’s actually because there’s too much pressure. When I don’t tweet, post, or text for a while, I’m just recharging.
You just sit in the bedroom all day. Most of the time, that’s because it’s my safe spot. I have control over the light, the environment, and what happens in it. I love other spaces, just not as much as I do my bedroom.
God, you eat a lot. Yep. It’s my comfort zone when I’m down. And… I’m working on it.
Do you struggle with depression? What are the most common things you hear? And how do you react to them? We’re in this together, let’s talk about it together!
Mania and eight hour days don’t mix. Then again, neither does introversion and going out to lunch with friends. So, I’m stuck!
That’s what I used to say. Since switching meds, and having to relearn how to manage my time at work, I’ve come across several things that have helped me get through.
A few days ago, I experienced the worst migraine in the history of mankind… ok, maybe not mankind, but definitely within my lifetime. For a great illustrated guide to what the life of a migraine, check out this infographic.
I’m that person who used to brush off those who suffered from migraines, (Sorry! I was stubborn, and now I know better!) thinking they were just bad headaches. I now understand the horrific pain that is a migraine.
Throughout my journey with depression and bipolar, I’ve realized 2 very important things. The extremes of life are where they (depression and bipolar) want me to be, but the gray is where I strive to be. I desire to exist in the gray, because that is the balance between the high of my mania, and the low of my depression. It’s a little like doing standing ‘flys’ on a weight machine, except you never let the weight go.