This Depression is Kicking my Butt

1892332bb249dedc6f5319bf1cdd831bDue to med changes and brain chemistry alignments, my depression has reared it’s ugly head yet again.

This is the kind of depression that I had when I was first diagnosed, and just getting on medication. So, it’s ugly and angry. And all I can do is keep fighting. It’s a silent battle. One I don’t like to talk about because it makes me feel weak. It’s a battle that is raging in my head while on the outside I seem… fine.

Well, yeah, I’m ok… but this really sucks. So, instead of keeping my battle secrets to myself, I want to share them so maybe others don’t feel quite so alone.

Take a shower. I know you hardly feel like getting out of bed, much less taking care of yourself. But, a shower does wonders and helps you take a step forward.

Get out. I know you feel like staying in, where it is safe, but it is so important to not isolate. You don’t have to go to a birthday party or out drinking at the bars, I’m talking about getting in the car and driving down the road. Go someplace close, your church, the mailbox, or even the grocery store (you don’t even have to go in!). Just get out.

Know…Believe it will pass. Because it will. I know it hurts in a way that can’t be explained, but it will pass. Just make it to the next moment you can breathe. It might be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but, if you can make it, you’re even stronger for the next fight.

Do some laundry. It’s cathartic and symbolic of cleaning out the yuck. It’s also the completion of something. Cleaning out the yuck and completing things are essential to moving forward and out from under that dark cloud.

Serve others. I know your world is like a vacuum right now, and it seems like nothing else can exist, but the easiest way to get out of your own head is to do something for someone else. Don’t even think about it, just do it. Ask if you can help with something. I wouldn’t suggest signing up for a marathon or becoming a secret ninja sidekick, but be a buddy for a nice walk, pray for someone, or compliment someone.

These are all things I’ve utilized in the last week. Do you have any go-to helpful hints to walk through depression with your head up? I’d love to hear them.

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Popular Myths About My Depression

51232429I’m feeling a little down today, and was thinking about a lot of the things I’ve heard in one way or another regarding my depression.

These are the most popular.

You’re anti-social. When I don’t say hello, or smile, it’s because I’m running the entire confrontation through my mind first because I’m nervous. By that time, usually the time has passed.

You’re always sad. Not sad, just thoughtful. 99% of the day I’m running past or present scenarios through my mind. It’s like a replay on repeat 24/7. So, if I’m not smiling, it’s not because I’m down, it’s because I’m in thought.

You’re so morbid. I like to think I’m realistic. As a depressive, I see things and experience things as they are, and can usually read between the lines of everyday niceties. I’m positively negative.

You never do anything. I actually do do things, it just might not be as much as you. That’s because I need time to myself to refuel, not because I don’t want to do anything with you.

You never smile. I do smile, somedays more than others. Again, usually I’m replaying interactions that have happened or will happen through my head.

You drop off the face of the earth. It might seem like that, but it’s actually because there’s too much pressure. When I don’t tweet, post, or text for a while, I’m just recharging.

You just sit in the bedroom all day. Most of the time, that’s because it’s my safe spot. I have control over the light, the environment, and what happens in it. I love other spaces, just not as much as I do my bedroom.

God, you eat a lot. Yep. It’s my comfort zone when I’m down. And… I’m working on it.

Do you struggle with depression? What are the most common things you hear? And how do you react to them? We’re in this together, let’s talk about it together!

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Meet Me @ My Mat

I love yoga. I also love Jesus. 

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Nothing against the beliefs that many yogis cultivate at all, I just don’t roll that way. I’ll be honest, I tried, and it felt right for a while, but then the Holy Spirit began asking me to become focused on Him during my time on the mat.

So I struggled to find a balance between my religious beliefs and the yoga that I love so much. I finally found my niche. When I get on the mat, I don’t praise myself for getting on the mat, I praise God for meeting me on my mat.

I use the time on my mat as a prayer session. I use it to invite the Holy Spirit to meet me where I am and thank Him for the time together. Yeah, I know He’s always with me, but my mat time is a special time where we get to be face to face. If you’re looking for a good place to start, check out Caroline Williams Yoga YouTube Channel.

I’m gonna be real with you, none of this is right, or wrong, it just works for me!

What works for you?!
I’d love to hear how you deal with feelings getting in the way of things you love?

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The Real Stuff

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It all started with a stick.

My father-in-law reminded me today how important it is to experience the ‘real stuff’ of life. These days while I have my smart phone glued to my hand and melted to my eyeballs, experiencing life is so important. What is life, I ask?

Continue reading “The Real Stuff”

How I Make 8 Hour Days Work with My Mania

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Mania and eight hour days don’t mix. Then again, neither does introversion and going out to lunch with friends. So, I’m stuck!

That’s what I used to say. Since switching meds, and having to relearn how to manage my time at work, I’ve come across several things that have helped me get through.
Continue reading “How I Make 8 Hour Days Work with My Mania”